i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just pee around me
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
