If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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