I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
