apparently the secret to your success is patron
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
