oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
