Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
