Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You are the jesus of drinking
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize