Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
