I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
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