I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
