I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
