im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
