either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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