naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
