why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize