I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
