So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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