I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
