Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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