so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
