we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
We talked him into tasing himself.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
