I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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