it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
