If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Please, let me fuck your mom
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
