i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
