I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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