The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
