the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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