We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
