watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
