I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
