never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
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