What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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