Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
