literally had 100 drinks last night.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
