So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
