i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
