You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
