I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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