hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
