You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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