I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
