how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
