I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
