went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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