I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
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