I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
