Kareoke will never be a sober sport
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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