They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
