This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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