Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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