Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
