oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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