i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
