Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is the high leading the old right now
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
