The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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