The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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