I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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