You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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