oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
