i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
