Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
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