apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
