My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
