I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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